Why Chores for Consequences?

When people here that my children earn an extra chore as a consequence, I am met with one of two responses. 1- “I prefer something logical. I would worry my children would hate work and I need them to do their chores.” Or 2- “That’s brilliant. I should try that!”

So, I thought I would address why extra chores and why it has not produced the undesired effect of making work abhorrent.

For the past four years we have utilized the principles that Nicholeen Peck teaches in her book Teaching Self Government. I must admit, I was on the fence about the whole chore thing. I really liked the idea of logical consequences. They made logical sense to me. However, when push came to shove, I didn’t always have a logical consequence in my back pocket for every issue that needed discipline and many times the “logical” consequence lead to power struggles and did not create harmony. I decided to experiment with Nicholeen’s suggestion. She says that poor behavior is a sign of sick character and the cure for sick character is work. While I agree with that, I needed some direct logic. I decided that one who is breaking family rules is taking from the family and thus a chore constitutes giving back a small measure.

So, initially when we introduced extra chores, we did have a couple of teaching opportunities where an instruction was given to do a small task and the child said, “Why do I need to do a chore? I didn’t do anything wrong.” Once we talked it through, explaining that the extra chore is just that- extra- meant to temporarily take the offender away from their preferred activity so that he or she can learn cause and effect and give back to the family as well as improve his or her character, the concern stopped. I haven’t heard a response like that in years.

Family work is a part of our home and my children are expected to work. They are also expected to follow instructions. They know they are always allowed to disagree appropriately with an instruction that is given and sometimes we might change our minds about the instruction, but tasks and errands are instructions and therefore, they really aren’t a big deal most of the time. Also, when we dispense with an extra chore, we don’t measure the chore against the offense. We are not trying to punish but rather teach cause and effect.  The real teaching comes from a calm discussion and possibly problem solving exercise.

Another reason for doing extra chores is that no matter where I am, I can come up with a consequence. I don’t have to think that hard. There is always something that needs doing! Doing that chore temporarily curtails the child’s freedom and the child comes back happier and calmer and ready to do better because when he or she checks back, the child experiences self-mastery and has success. Since it is just a chore, it is short lived and we move on with life, thus consequences don’t hang on for long periods of time sapping relationships.

We aren’t perfect at implementing Teaching Self Government, but when I can tell my 4 year old to do something and she cheerfully says, “Of course!” or I can ask my 12 year old who has already done all the dishes to take the garbage out and says, “Ok.” and does it the chores aren’t creating a hate of work. I think they might be doing the opposite. Those chores are giving them the sense of satisfaction in a job well done they need. They help the kids get out of the rut of negative attention seeking. They really are working.

Trip to the Zoo

Last week we had a week off from co-op. I coordinated a trip to the zoo. We had so much fun. It was delightful to go with other families who were more interested in the experience then seeing everything. As we went from exhibit to exhibit, we listened to the kids. When a kid got really excited about a particular animal, we stopped to look. We had lunch in the grassy field and played all along the way. One of the great things was that some of the children who had not had a chance to really connect all this year and develop better friendships got that chance. We also took the opportunity to feed the penguins since I was doing a product review and we have been learning about penguins.

Little One enjoyed the giraffes and the gorilla. He also had fun being pushed around by a slightly silly 12 year old brother.

I Can Read the Book at Home

I have been sitting on this post to finish up for several months. As B and I were talking about education, he said, “I can read the book at home!” and then he went on to tell me about how he had some professors who merely regurgitated the readings and others who lit a fire in class and sent them home to read. I think B sums up what I have been pondering and experiencing lately. Let me explain.

We belong to a small co-op which operates on principles of Leadership Education. We believe in Inspire not Require and Time not Content. I have been pondering these principles a lot lately. Add to that, I have been taking a course on How to Mentor from Oliver DeMille recently. In the first lesson he speaks a lot on the importance of time in small groups or with the mentor is to be changed NOT to receive information. Through a culmination of events, I must say, I surprise myself by agreeing 100%. There was a time when I wouldn’t have agreed with that- after all, class was the time to learn something! Now, I believe class time is the opportunity, especially in the Love of Learning and early Scholar phases to get a fire lit and send them home for more learning (this is NOT otherwise known as homework!)

Some people really struggle with this- if they are not being fed content, how will they learn what they need to learn? I believe that through experience and lighting a fire of love for a topic the child will then have a motivation to go read more on it. For example, I just finished teaching a science class. It was hands on and I would classify it as more of a lab class than a lecture class. Indeed I only spent maybe 5-10 minutes or so talking to the kids as a group. In the time I was talking, I was asking for LOTS of input, showing small demonstrations, and giving the instructions for their experiences for the day. Even with my middle school class, it was NOT the time to lecture on the formula for acceleration or demonstrate how to calculate the force needed to move an object. My class was the opportunity to give the children experiences to teach them HOW Newton’s laws work, WHAT inertia is, WHAT thermal energy is and how it works in the world, etc. I looked for small opportunities throughout class to ask WHY? and get the children to ponder and come up with answers as to WHY something happened. My methods were accomplishing my goals. After a class on Newton’s 3 laws, one of the girls was reported to have gone home and spend time researching who Newton was, what his laws meant, and more. Other children related things they learned in my class to classes they took the next term. Still others asked me to teach more since they had learned so much and loved doing it.

Another example, Tiger and Butterfly are in a history class. When one thinks history class one usually thinks teacher at the front imparting the facts, dates, and other information. Instead, the children have been given a motivational system. They all started class sitting on the floor as “slaves” and through work outside of class, they can earn the privilege to sit on a cushion, sit in a chair, be given a glass of water with their chair, receive a scepter…. etc until they earn the privilege of being pharaoh. Most children will not attain the rank of pharaoh as it requires a huge amount of outside class work, but all are capable of it! During class, the mentors present an activity. This might be presented with a bit of background information as well as instructions for the activity. Also during class, the children present the things they have discovered or read about during the week. Each presentation earns a point on their journey towards pharaoh. I am not concerned with them not filling in the maps and being told all the details of a civilization because through the motivational system as well as the inspiration that comes from exposure without much information, they are coming home excited to explore more. They will get the other details reading at home.

Indeed, as B experienced in science labs at the university, class was not the time for the teacher to regurgitate the readings, as B said, “I can read the book at home.” Class is the time to give the students what can’t be done at home on their own or what might be more difficult to do on their own.

It’s in the Box

A few weeks ago I mentioned inspiration resources. Today, I created a learning box. Mary Ann Johnson was right- part of the magic of the box is the anticipation and the limited availability. She talks about locking it but that even if it isn’t locked, kids know how important that “lock” is to preserving the magic. My box is a large clear tub with a lid that snaps on. Butterfly commented that the box had “magical properties that would zap anyone other than mommy who opened it.” She asked me to open it when it was time to use the contents so she wouldn’t get zapped.

Today’s magic? Soap. I put my melt and pour soap supplies, a list of websites and experiments, frontier girls badge requirements and books into the box. I also told the children that the box would only be available until lunch time and then it would be closed up. They were so excited, they flew through cleaning up the rest of their room and eagerly gathered to learn.

First, we talked about safety, types of soap, read some books about soap, and then we watched a video of a science experiment on eScience (review of eScience coming soon). The girls were so excited. We learned about different types of colorants and ways to scent soap as well. Then, after watching a few short tutorials, we took some of the ideas we learned in the books and made some small bars of soap. After that, it was time to clean up and put the box away. The girls couldn’t wait to do more learning box the next day.

Strawberry was quite anxious to embed a toy in soap after seeing a picture in a book. She watched the video of how to do it and brought be a large Duplo to embed. When I told her that wasn’t going to work, she was not too thrilled. I promised to take her to the store to buy a rubber eraser toy to put in soap. The girls each picked a small eraser and we came home to embed toys. We then spent the next morning using our learning box and experimenting with colors, layering, embedding, and toys. True to personality, Butterfly created a soap sculpture. She chose an egg with a hatching chick and then created the next out of melt and pour soap. She carefully held her egg as still as possible as it set in the soap and then she twisted it ever so gently to form wrinkles across the top of the soap to resemble sticks. Strawberry made her soap with a toy in it, and Pumpkin Pie wanted to hide her toy completely in several layers of green. I wanted to play with a soap in a soap.

Then it was time to clean up and put the box away.

I wonder what the box will bring next week.

Just What we Needed- Family Forum

This past weekend we attended the Family Forum in Salt Lake City, Utah. We packed all of us up and flew out for 3 days. It was a wonderful and much needed trip. Tiger got to attend a wonderful Simulations event with other youth all day Friday. The situation was 2054 and the end of World War 3. Canada has a government run by the people where big decisions are decided much like a jury where citizens are called up to decide the tough decisions. All the students were acting the part of Canadian Citizens throughout the day. The USA has been conquered and refugees are flooding the borders. What are the Canadians to do? If they keep them, then the Coalition of Nations (Russia, North Korea, China) will not be happy and it could mean war for Canada. If they send them back then the refugees will suffer. Throughout the day, the youth debated, engaged in Parliamentary Process, debated some more, and took numerous votes. Tiger said he learned more about battle strategy, politics, seeing into the future, and voting. “It was a very interesting and fun experience.”

Meanwhile, B took the girls and toured the LDS church history museum and the Conference Center. I got to participate in some of that as I was riding the light rail back and forth between the conference and downtown.

Then on Saturday, Tiger attended 5 workshops while B and I attended other workshops and the girls attended the Child’s Discovery Center. We also got to spend a brief time with Nia and my sister and her three boys.

At the end of the day was the Family Ball. We dressed up, did hair and makeup, and then went to the family ball. Tiger danced with his sisters and several other girls. Butterfly danced with several sweet young boys, and Pumpkin Pie had so much fun dancing with Strawberry and a friend of ours. Little One had fun playing with cups…

Emergency Preparedness?

What would you do in a natural disaster? Would your children know what to do if there was an earthquake? How would you cook? What would you do if there were no water? My family is about to find out. We are going to be doing a natural disaster simulation. We will be going without power, water, and gas for 24 hours. Since it is only a simulation, we are leaving our refrigerator and freezer powered so we don’t lose food, and we won’t be turning the gas off at the source- just not using the gas fireplace, stove, or furnace.

Some of my kids are dreading this and others are really excited.  Those that are dreading it are only dreading that they don’t know when it will happen and they are hoping that nothing fun/important is impacted.

Originally, we set about to do this because it is Tiger’s midterm, but now, we are doing it for ourselves. B went through and created a realistic scenario (parents were provided some scenarios but none were super realistic or necessarily applicable to our area) and put together the plan. Now I will need to execute it.

See you in 24 hours- hopefully I will have some decent pictures.

Making an Inspirations Folder

I recently was listening to a fabulous talk from Mary Ann Johnson on creating a learning closet. The learning closet it a place where you put resources for children to explore. These don’t need to be expensive or complicated, in fact simplicity is probably better. Even before listening to her lecture, I was pondering this very idea and working on creating a space with learning sparks. She mentioned a resource I had never heard of in all of my years of homeschooling. So, for this week’s Make-It Monday, I am sharing that resource as well as how to make that folder of inspirational helps.

Over the years, I have used Dover Publishing coloring books and resources. The illustrations are beautiful and the books are not expensive. The resource that she mentioned was Dover Publishing Samples! You can sign up on their website for their samples newsletter (as well as other newsletters if you desire).

Once a week, samples of approximately 12 of their many books are compiled. Then you can save each image. 

In the past, I have downloaded resources and then I promptly forgot about them or their location. I now have a dedicated location for these resources and I am breaking them down into folders. Here is my Inspirations Resources folder. If a sample comes that doesn’t fit into a category I already have, I create a new one. Each image I save, I assign a name describing the image so I can find it easily again.

Here is the inside of one folder- coloring pages:

Tomorrow, when I am reading to the children, I can easily come and print a picture for coloring easily. Or, when we study Rome, I can go to the appropriate folder and pull out a related activity.

Learning is EASY if someone cares

A few weeks ago, I wrote about learning and today had another opportunity to watch learning in action. I remember as a child in 1st and 2nd grade doing endless worksheets on alphabetization. I remember many kids whining and hating them and not getting them. I remember spending hours being taught how to look up words in the dictionary. For us 6 and 7 year olds, it was an irrelevant process and topic to study. Eventually we all learned it but not without a lot of repetition, drudgery, whining, and wondering why it mattered.

Tiger always asks me what words mean when he doesn’t know the meaning of a word- he always has- and I sometimes tell him what it means, and sometimes I tell him to look it up in the dictionary. The last couple of words given to him to look up had bad definitions in the iPod App dictionary and we directed him to the regular dictionary. Butterfly watched this interaction. Today, after Tiger looked his word up, she asked me how to look a word up in the dictionary. It took maybe 15 minutes, a lot of excitement, a couple practice words for fun, some giggles, and she has it mastered. She added another tool to her learning toolbox today because she cared. The last word I gave her to look up was “hasty,” to which she replied, “I better be hasty and look that word up!” and then she giggled.

If I Wait to Take off the Lid There Will be Holes

Yesterday I wrote about the importance of inspiring learning in order to help a child absorb information. As I woke up this morning, I could just hear many people shouting at their computers, “But what about _______? Children MUST learn _______! If they don’t learn ____ they will be handicapped.” So, I thought it important to continue my essays (I have another one coming) on various principles of developmentally appropriate education.

The method of inspiration differs based on the age of the child. For example, children in Core Phase (up to about 8 or so) need LOTS of play. Their primary learning environment is home and play. During this time they primarily focus on Good/Bad, Right/Wrong, True/False, and how to work, play, routines, and family relationships. This is not to say they don’t learn academic things, because mine certainly do as do many other Core age kids. What it means is that whatever academic material I want to deliver to that child must be delivered in an appropriate manner. Just as children of this age don’t understand calculus, they also don’t understand other abstract concepts. For them, learning needs to be concrete. This doesn’t mean that they need to be sheltered from history, scientific principles, or even foreign language, but it does mean there needs to be a concrete playful learning opportunity. For my children, we study history using what Charlotte Mason calls “living books.”  I choose living books with beautiful pictures, sometimes pictures of artifacts (this is concrete), and that read like stories. Stories engage the mind in a way that a textbook never will. Children this age, given the opportunity, can get excited about history and learn to love it early. For example, when Tiger was 5, we went to a museum that had an exhibit of the Titanic artifacts. He fell in love with all things Titanic. He read all sorts of books about the Titanic, and as it turned out, the Titanic was my ticket to giving him the confidence to read a chapter book! By the time he was done with the Titanic, he knew all about the science of why it sank to how many horsepower the engines were, to what a horsepower was, to why so many died. He still marvels at the arrogance of those who said that God could not sink that ship! For him, the Titanic was meaningful play.

In Love of Learning Phase (about 8-12), learning continues to need to be playful but not to the same degree. As the child matures, play begins to move from imagination and toys to more books, projects, and discussions with parents. It still needs to be meaningful though. With my older children, last year, we did a class on the Pilgrims. We read stories about them, read some of their own words, talked about what tools they needed and the decisions they made as they departed from England. We did projects and wrote letters to pilgrims. They loved it. They also learned a lot. Contrast that to when I learned history as a child. I was given a list of names and dates to memorize and talked at through a textbook. I quickly developed a dislike of history. After all, it was irrelevant! I even remember telling my grandma once that I hated history and didn’t see the point. She tried to tell me that it was interesting. I couldn’t find anything interesting about history at the time. Because I have chosen to teach history in a hands-on, with classics method, my children love history.

What about Scholar Phase? After all, since I am not requiring them to learn all the names and dates of everything they might have holes! Learning in Scholar Phase begins to look a bit more “academic” but still should avoid textbooks and arbitrary learning. Truthfully the principle of the cup applies all the way through life. I remember in college I had to take a botany class which was intended for students on the credential track. I, and many classmates, couldn’t understand why we needed to know the scientific name of several dozen arbitrary plants. We even asked the professor why we would need to scientific name of those plants. From our perspective, it was just one more thing required, in a long list of requirements, that some teacher thought was important, but really had no relevance to our own lives. We were told we needed the information because some kid might come up to us with a plant and want to know what it was and we would be able to tell him or her. To which we responded, then we can look in a field guide and figure it out since we won’t know all the plants! (The dichotomous key lessons were valued for this reason.) Like we had done many times before with irrelevant information, we dutifully memorized the facts and then promptly forgot them as we exited the exam- the water ran off the lid. Later in life, I studied herbology. Now I had a reason for knowing scientific names! Although I had covered many of the scientific names of plants I was interested in, I did not remember the scientific names anymore because the learning had been irrelevant. Once I had a reason, I memorized, and used, many of those very same scientific names. Where previously I had no reason to learn scientific names of arbitrary plant the professor selected as important, now I had a reason and motivation to learn what was once useless facts and information.

Now, I sit before a large dictionary, the Dictionary of Cultural Literacy. I intend to memorize events and names and dates. What would have once been an exercise in futility without purpose, now has meaning. I read enough to see references to events or literature. While I might have heard of events or have a vague recollection, I want to know more about those events and at the very least have a minimal familiarity so the reference isn’t lost on me. Since I have a purpose, the retention will be much higher than if I were just trying to sit for the exam.

The truth is everyone will come through their education with holes. These hole will either be there because a teacher didn’t teach the material or because a student didn’t retain it due to lack of relevance. If a child can read, knows how to learn, has confidence in his ability to learn anything, likes learning, and has a reason to learn something, that child will be unstoppable as he grows up. This is why the latter part of Scholar Phase is the time to worry about holes. Scholar Phase is the time to go in depth in different topics. This is the time to draw connections and to go deep and broad in all areas of learning. This is the time to worry about content. A Scholar will have a motivation to learn the material even if it isn’t his or her favorite topic because he or she will be able to see the value in learning things that might have not been important before. That reason may be for personal curiosity like my purpose in memorizing from the Dictionary. It may be for a career that the child wants to pursue. It may be in order to do do well on the SAT. Whatever the reason the child has will motivate great learning.

You Can’t Fill A Cup With The Lid On

Imagine a paper cup with a plastic lid and a straw. Now imagine what would happen if you tried to fill that cup without first taking off the lid. I hope you imagined a tiny amount might get through that straw into the cup but, for the most part, the water runs over the top and down. Children are like cups of water with a straw and a lid. If we attempt to pour information into them without first taking off the lid, only a small portion of that information will sink in. Let me explain.

Inspire not Require was one of my very biggest difficulties with TJed or Leadership Education. I used to be hung up on the not require part and didn’t have a clue what inspire meant. My mom always said, “Life is not a Dog and Pony Show.” and I couldn’t understand how to “inspire” without “require” without creating the proverbial "Dog and Pony Show.” After all, my only experience with learning that didn’t include gimmicky tricks was worksheets and requirements and checklists. How could anyone learn anything without being told what to learn in what order?

Rewind two years… The Lord showed me a tender mercy and introduced me to a woman who I call a dear friend now. She was passionate about Leadership Education and she was ok with me not getting it. She welcomed me and my children with open arms and allowed me to read and discuss and question as much as I desired. Over time, the Lord worked on me and finally I had a change or philosophy. It wasn’t entirely overnight and I continue to understand more and more. My most recent aha was WHAT it means to Inspire not Require.

Inspiring doesn’t mean I need to pull out all the stops and do a jig in front of my children or students. It doesn’t mean I need to do anything flashy or trick children into learning. It means I need to give them an opportunity to realize they have a question before learning can take place. THIS is taking off the lid! Then, after the child has formed the question, then, and only then, can he or she really understand the material. In other words, there needs to be a spark of curiosity and a reason to learn the material. Things can not be presented in isolation just because we need to cover certain content in a certain grade because the state says so.

For example, I could show my children several coins, explain their denominations and then give a worksheet requiring them to count up the pictured toys and tell how many of each coin would be needed to pay for the product OR I could get several toys and write on the white board what they cost, hand the children a pile of money and announce we are going to play store today. Then when they choose to “buy” a toy that costs 75 cents and they hand me 10 pennies, I can teach them that they only handed me 10 cents and guide them through selecting the right change through questions and discussion. Through our discussion, in context, the child will see that the penny equals 1 cent, nickel equals 5 cents, etc. and be able to apply that knowledge in a meaningful way. Not only that, but he won’t need to do worksheet after worksheet until it has been drilled into his head that a dime is 10 cents because he has physically seen that a dime equals 10 cents. His efforts, struggles, and discoveries will facilitate faster, more masterful learning and retention than any amount of worksheets will facilitate. The knowledge that a dime is worth 10 cents is worthless unless you plan to use a dime to purchase something. Until that child has a reason to learn money denominations, it is just a theoretical exercise. It is not meaningful and learning is content driven. Once that child has a question about the denominations, that learning has value and the child learn far more than otherwise.

As long as I keep in mind the importance of taking off the lid before trying to pour information in, I find my children learn far deeper than if I try to give them a worksheet or requirement according to some arbitrary standard. Waiting for the question to be formed before giving the answer requires patience and sometimes a little creativity, but it is so worth it.

I continue my thoughts on education in tomorrow’s post here.

Planning, Planning, Planning…

Every summer it is time to plan. In the past, I purchased all new curriculum, planned out assignments and wrote out the daily schedule with a slot for each subject for each child. A couple of years ago, I realized that school at home didn’t work for us. I realized that life is school was much better for us.

Instead of structuring out each assignment and each day’s list of activities to be completed like I did in school as a child, I structure our time. By this I mean we have a minimum amount of time where we come together and learn. What we learn each day differs. Some days we get so involved in learning that we are still working on projects until late in the afternoon only to be interrupted by evening activities. Other days we work until mid-afternoon and then run outside to play. Still others are a little earlier with lots of reading in the afternoon. Every day is a little different but there is some continuity.

We structure our time with family work first and then devotional and group learning and then individual learning. During our group learning, I tend to focus on either science or history. This year we will continue with Story of the World and supplement with other materials, especially with the Revolutionary war portion of our studies. I am thinking about using the Once a Week study on the Revolution from Homeschool Legacy. For science, we are continuing to use E-Science. Individual learning time is structured with a set amount of time depending on how involved we got in our group time. I consult with the children and we discuss what goals they have, what they need to learn and work on, and they make a plan. If I see they haven’t been working on an area that might need some attention, I counsel them to work on that area a bit. Between books, games, and other materials, all subjects are worked through during the year.

While I will be continuing our devotional time, (reading scriptures, sing hymn, prayer, scripture memory and maybe a poem or thought), it won’t be first thing before anyone does any learning time. This year that time is going to be a bit different. First, we have decided to enroll Tiger in Williamsburg Intermediate for the bulk of his learning time. He will still do co-op with us and join us for devotional, but he will no longer be doing our core subjects with everyone. He was already pulling away into a scholar phase, and he needs some peers his age to work hard and challenge him to new heights. He also needs a bit of motivation to stretch a little further than he thought he could. WI will help him with learning more about structuring his time, taking ownership of his projects, and also stretch him to read some more great books in relation to all classes he takes. I am really excited with the flexibility of their program as well as the caliber of projects and readings he will be doing.

So what else do I plan on?

Butterfly will be starting piano lessons this fall. She is also going to do the Samantha books for History club. She has been moving through time with a friend and her mom for the past couple of years and will do it again this year. She is enjoying ALEKS math and I think will continue with that. She is also working on improving her math facts using MathRider. The other day she realized she was judging books by their cover and committed to trying more books that I suggest and spending more time in non-American girl books. She started with The Rats of Nihm and loved it. One of her co-op classes will also challenge her to explore ancient empires a little more deeply on her own to gain stature and privileges in class. (The first day of class all students will be labeled slaves and sit on the floor. They have to earn the privilege of becoming laborers and progressing to finally getting a chair through out of class work like reading suggested readings, reports, and projects, etc.)

Pumpkin Pie is also working through ALEKS. She is also working really hard at improving her reading and is trying to read anything she can find. She will be doing some classes at co-op as well.

I have printed out a bunch of requirements related to various badges for Frontier Girls for both Butterfly and Pumpkin Pie. Some are academic and others are home ec and a few are just for fun. They will continue to work on their badges. I also want to do more audiobooks and also read-alouds too.

Strawberry will be playing with letters and other appropriate materials to keep her out of the markers. She will probably be joining us for some of our history or science explorations since she likes to do that. Strawberry will start karate officially (sometimes the Little Dragons teacher will invite her to participate in class even though she is still only 3 and has no gi yet).

All this is coming… but first 1 week of homeschool camp! Well, Tiger already started school but our official first day of school is coming the week of September 9th!

Growing up and Making Choices

We have been trying to help the kids learn to make choices and budget their time. Of course, being children, these are adult skills and they aren’t perfect!

I have to say I was so proud of Tiger the other day though. He made a commitment (and shook hands on it) to his piano teacher to practice a minimum of 45 minutes per day 6 days per week to get ready for a music festival and adjudication in March. He also made the same commitment to me and shook my hand.

Fridays are our busiest days because of co-op and it can be hard to get that piano practice in by the end of the day. Two weeks ago, Tiger realized it was 5pm and he had karate, dinner, piano, and bed. He realized he would not be able to do it all. He made the decision to stay home from karate to practice piano and committed to go to karate 3 times the following week to make up for the missed class. As B went to class, Tiger sat down at the piano and practiced for the next hour. Last week, he attended class 3 times.

It may not seem like much, but Tiger is preparing for a karate test in two weeks. After 6 years of training, he will be testing for his first degree brown belt. While he does feel confident going into the test, he knows that the more practice he has, the better he will do. He had a tough choice to make and I think he did a really good job.

Reason # 5465 to homeschool- socialization!

I have been reflecting on socialization a lot this week. This past week  was our last day of co-op before we start again in January. As I was supervising the Reading and Game room, Mommy and Me playgroup, and the park after co-op, my children and several others had several opportunities to interact in a more healthy way than their child-like instincts prompted. This was only possible because there were parents all around to coach them through proper peer interactions and teach them that their instincts weren’t as effective as other means.

People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society.
Vince Lombardi

In our reading and game room, which is for children who don’t have another structured class to be in, there was an incident where a boy carried off some Legos. My little Strawberry was a bit distraught as was another girl who they belonged to. Strawberry came up to me and told me about the incident. I told her it sounded like she wanted to disagree appropriately with the boy. This boy is 5. She agreed and went up to him. At first he didn’t want to listen to her because she is “little” and truthfully she is not much bigger than his 18 mo old sister, but my Strawberry persisted in her calm little voice to explain to him that she knew he wanted to play with the Legos but that she wanted him to bring them back. He did! A bit later, he picked up a Lego someone else was planning to use. The little girl started to whine and she was prompted her to disagree appropriately. She proceeded to disagree and the children were able to sort out their issue.

In playgroup, there were two sisters who were having a problem because it was time to clean up and one didn’t want the other to pick up the toys she had been playing with. The older one started to whine and again I prompted the disagree appropriately. She was able to disagree with her little sister and resolve the situation without tears, whining, tattling, or other negative behaviors.

At the park, this theme continued with prompting children who were whining about another child to disagree appropriately with the others. Over and over we watched as these children were able to handle their disagreements in a mature manner without resorting to whining, fussing, crying, pouting, etc.

In all of these cases, it certainly helped that the parents of these children are also using Teaching Self Government in their homes, but the skills could have been applied even if the parents were not using Teaching Self Government at home- teaching a child to understand the other person and calmly state their need is not trademarked to Nicholeen Peck. They are in fact life’s basic skills.

The biggest incident required a bit more parental involvement. So often on a playground a child will pick on another for some reason or other. Maybe the new kid comes in and doesn’t know anyone. Feeling insecure, he walks up and picks a fight with another child who is unaware that there is an issue. In our co-op we had something like this happen. Without parents immediately available to work with the children, the results could have been much different.

Tiger is one of only a handful of boys in our co-op. He and another boy have been friends for a couple of years now. A new boy, about two years younger, began to come to our detectives book club a few weeks ago. He was a little insecure and didn’t know anyone there. Two weeks ago, he punched Tiger’s friend in the face unprovoked. The parent teacher addressed the situation but now there was tension between these boys. Tiger was quite upset that his friend had been accosted and couldn’t understand why. On Friday, this same boy came up to Tiger and went to punch him. Tiger calmly blocked the punch and backed away to talk to an adult (thank you Sensei). Again the child was dealt with and the mother was spoken to about the situation. At the end of class, the boy approached Tiger’s friend cracking his knuckles and proclaimed that since he too was going to the park, he would fight him at the park. Tiger got in the car unhappy. I had a little information from the mother that the boy was struggling to know how to behave in new situations and she didn’t know what to do. I was able to have a conversation with Tiger about why this boy might be acting this way and what might be done. Tiger reflected that often the boy looked sad and perhaps he really wanted some friends but didn’t know how to go about being a friend. As we got out of the car, Tiger had a plan- he was going to talk to the boy about being friends. Everyone arrived at the park and sure enough, while Tiger and his friend were standing together, the other boy came up to them in a rather aggressive manner. Tiger was able to keep a safe distance between the boys in order to prevent violence but also he spoke assertively. For every aggressive step forward the boy took, Tiger stepped back and continued to talk. Tiger explained that he and his friend had no desire to fight. The wanted to play. They invited the boy to join them and be friends. The boy stopped advancing and put out his hand. I and the other mothers arrived close by in time to hear the boy say, “Ok, it is off.” They were now friends. They spent the next two hours running, playing, making silly videos, and having a good time. I was so proud of Tiger for being assertive and not accepting violence. He handled the situation in a mature manner that was only possible because adults were ready and willing to be nearby to coach and teach through the situation.

Homeschooling is allowing me the opportunity to properly teach my children how to behave in so many social situations. I am so grateful for that opportunity. As they fly into the world, my prayer is that they will be able to lead forth with compassion, understanding, and an ability to be assertive without being aggressive. They will know how to open doors for those with wheelchairs or strollers, provide common courtesies that are lost on so many, as well as disagree appropriately with those who seek to offend or don’t pay any attention. I am also grateful that I found Nicholeen Peck’s Teaching Self Government. It has provided me even more tools to move forward on my mission of parenting my children.

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Co-op Adventures

In our co-op, we just finished up the first 6 weeks of classes. Tiger and Butterfly took a class about King Tut so they would be familiar with the items in the King Tut exhibit we plan to see in December. The children all dressed up like pharaohs. They thought that serious faces would make them look more powerful :) They all made their crooks, flails, and jewelry during class.

 

Butterfly and Pumpkin Pie also took an adventures in fairy tales book club. Each week they dressed like princesses and talked about different versions of the fairy tale of the week and made crafts and had activities related to the book. for the final day, they had a tea party. Butterfly served as hostess.

Now on to the next term- Little House on the Prairie book club and Detective Book club and Cooking classes!

Pioneer Farm and Native American Village Tours

There is a neat museum about an hour and a half from our house that is hands on. Half is a Pioneer Farm and the other half is the 4 seasons of the local Native American tribes. What did their homes look like? What chores did the children do? What were clothes or toys made of? We got a chance to go a few days ago. It was well worth the drive to get there. As it happened, we got there on their founder’s day celebration tour day so we didn’t have to pay admission to either tour. Tiger got to use a forge and bend horseshoes in the blacksmith’s shop, Butterfly got to pet animals, and Butterfly and Pumpkin Pie got to milk a cow. Strawberry banged drums, kneaded bread dough, and saw some baby animals. Even though it was a bit wet and we got sprinkled on a few times, it was a great day.