When I first had Tiger, people would ask me if he was a “good baby” or not. Now, let me just say I don’t believe there is a such thing as a bad baby. All babies are good. What they really meant was does your baby sleep through the night and keep quiet? No he didn’t- and neither have my other babies.
At first getting up in the middle of the night was hard. I felt tired. I just wanted to sleep. I wished my baby would sleep. I dreamed of the day when my baby would sleep through the night. Then when I had Butterfly I similarly dreamed of a full night of sleep. Once I had Pumpkin Pie, I again dreamed of a full night’s sleep.
When she was about 8 months old things changed. I travelled to my mom’s house and arrived late one night. That night, I was so tired from flying but Pumpkin Pie was wide awake. She would not go to sleep! All I wanted to do was take a shower and go to sleep. After all, I had been flying on an airplane, drove over an hour, and arrived at about 12:30 am. That night, as I held my daughter to try and coax her to sleep, I gazed out across the horizon.
My mom lives on forty acres in the middle of nowhere in the foothills. Gazing out across the landscape for miles and miles was a beautiful scene of silhouetted oak trees, rock outcrops, hills, and some pine trees. Native American women used to prepare food for their families in a nearby outcrop. That night as I gazed out across the hills, I realized that hundreds of mothers before me had stood on those hills holding their babies gazing out across the hills. These mothers had all rocked and cuddled their babies in the middle of the night, listening to the owls and crickets. They too had seen the landscape that I was watching as I held that sweet baby.
It was in that quiet moment that I realized that I was not up all night alone with my baby. I was surrounded by love. I was surrounded by the women who have come before me holding their babies. I was in good company. I realized it really didn’t matter anymore if I was up in the middle of the night with that baby. I could choose to enjoy it instead. I could choose to enjoy the peaceful moment that a baby in the middle of the night allowed me. The peaceful stillness that rules the night gave me a precious gift that night. I wasn’t lonely. I had the sweet opportunity to connect to my baby and all the mothers who also get up with babies.
Now when I get up in the middle of the night, yes sometimes I am really tired, but I always reflect on that night near the Native American kitchen. I gaze down at my baby and hold him tight. I smell his sweet baby smell that will all too soon go away, and I try to burn the memory of his sweet round cheeks into my memory to draw on when he is older and has passed out of the infant stage. I then go to the window and stand to look out across the suburban skyline that is my view. I remember the women and the babies before me and I listen to the sound of the quiet night and the breathing of my baby as he drifts off to sleep. I may even take an extra minute or two to enjoy holding my sweet baby before I put him back in his cradle and crawl back into bed.
Yes, once upon a time I yearned for the full night sleep. Now I enjoy the moments. They will be gone before I know it and my Little One, like his brother and sisters, will no longer wake at night. He will be walking and talking soon and I will once again have a full night sleep.
I didn't like getting up in the night at the time, but I sure miss those days now!
ReplyDeleteMy youngest didn't sleep good through the night until he was four years old. That was a long time to wait...but like you, I tried to take advantage of the time together. Nice post!
ReplyDeleteNight time is definately a beloved time. I try hard to soak it up. I admit, sometimes though... oye!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post and a great reminder to us all to cherish the time with our kiddos, no matter what the age. It all passes too quickly. When mine were little I would use that time to pray for other mommas!
ReplyDeleteMy sweet boy turned 16 this week. Oh, how I miss holding him in the still of the night.
ReplyDeleteWhile I definitely love getting a good night's sleep, I also treasure the quiet moments with my babies in the middle of the night as well. Sometimes it is the only peace & quiet time you get with them!
ReplyDeleteYes!!!!! They will not stay that way long, nor love the cuddles. My oldest is 13 and youngest 8 and my heart hurts over the years as they have grown. Sweet precious memories that you will never get again... XOXO
ReplyDeleteOur middle of the night cuddle times were some of my favorite. Some nights, Ben still wakes up and crawls into to bed with us to snuggle and I still love it.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful reflections from a mom's heart. I love this.
Sweet moments with sweet babies. I miss those moments!
ReplyDeleteI remember feeling the same way when my firstborn came but now I see how fleeting the time really is. It's only a few short years that you are up all night and every moment is worth it. It passes by so quickly and then they are moving on. I will always cherish those night time moments, even when they are grown.
ReplyDeleteA very powerful reminder that these days pass way too quickly and we need to cherish them. My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 16 mths old. I know how fast they can grow.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I really appreciate reading them because this is so near to my heart.
ReplyDelete